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Honey Laced

Madison Blackwell

Clicking my nails against the wooden table, I waited for my blind date. The cool breeze blew my raven hair behind me as I glanced over my shoulder. I bounced my leg and checked the time on my phone again. 1:24. He had six minutes to get here—he hadn’t stood me up yet. I sucked a deep breath in through my nose and exhaled slowly, but that didn’t stop my stomach from sinking lower the longer time ticked on.

“Excuse me, are you Leah?” I straightened up and whipped my head around. The honeyed baritone voice was encased in a six-foot-tall, slightly muscular man whose eyes had to be the prettiest I’d ever seen. Their chestnut hue is one I could get lost in if given the pleasure. He tilted his head slightly, the corner of his mouth turning up, and it was only then I’d realized I was staring.

“Ye-Yeah! Hi! Leah.” I held out my hand, cursing myself for stuttering and cursing myself more when he brought my knuckles to his lips and my face flashed white-hot. Though he was clean-shaven, I could feel the hairs growing along his chin as it brushed my hand.

“Jonathan,” he said as our grasps slipped from one another. His maroon button-up contrasted beautifully against his tanned skin and I picked up traces of his cologne—rosewood—sweet, but not overpowering.

After taking a seat, I slipped my hands under my thighs. “So, how long have you known Kyle?” This was his doing after all. Ever since the two met when he was going through couples counseling with his ex-boyfriend, he couldn’t stop talking about how great Jonathan was.

“Almost a year. And yourself?” he asked, tilting his head.

“Five years this September. He actually designed my bakery’s sign,” I said.

“I remember him telling me about that. It’s called Nellie’s, right?” He leaned his

arms on the table.

“Yeah, after my grandmother. She taught me everything I know.” I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “And three years later, we’re still going strong.”

“Yeah, he mentioned you opened it at twenty-five?” He pursed his lips in thought.

“Twenty-six,” I corrected. There was a pause before I continued. “So, Kyle said you’re a practicing psychiatrist. That’s pretty impressive for thirty-three.”

I couldn’t help but grin as he chuckled, its warmth giving me goosebumps. “Yeah, I worked hard to get where I am. Maybe that’s why he wanted to set us up? We’re both determined to succeed.”

I smiled at the sentiment before a figure walking toward us caught my attention.

“Hi guys, welcome to Cherry’s! Can I get you started with something to drink?” The waitress took out her notepad, her white t-shirt dotted with the red fruit.

“Coffee with cream,” Jonathan answered, then turned to face me.

“Dr. Pepper, please.” She nodded and hustled back inside the café as it grew busier.

He leaned toward me, scrunching his nose. “Dr. Pepper, really?”

Pointing my finger at him, I said, “Don’t you start.”

He only grinned. “You know, this date started out really well, but now I’m questioning why Kyle set us up.”

“Says the person drinking coffee without sugar!” My smile grew bigger.

His chuckle joined mine as I caught sight of our waitress with our drinks. She hastily took our orders before rushing back inside.

I sipped at my soda, his gaze on me. Tilting my head in a silent question, he pointed to my cherry-red glass, a smirk on his lips. “If this is gonna work out, you can’t drink that sludge anymore.”


Hamburgers and hotdogs drifted through the room as Jonathan and I entered Kyle’s house. It had been far too long since I’d seen his freckled face.

“There’s my favorite baker!” Kyle shouted. My response was muffled as he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed almost too tightly. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in months!” He kept an arm thrown over my shoulders as he turned to Jonathan. “Where have you been hiding her?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, I got a little carried away. But can you blame me for wanting her all to myself? We’ve only been together a few months.”

Kyle huffed, rolling his eyes. “I suppose not. Now, come on, everyone’s outside. Macy’s dying to see you!” Jonathan slipped his hand in mine as Kyle led us to the backyard. Though I’d seen Macy more than Kyle, it still felt like too long had passed. Yet, that’s been the case since college where we roomed together all four years.

“Leah!” a bell-like voice chimed. I snapped my head to the side, catching a blur of dark corkscrew curls before the woman engulfed me. “I’ve missed you!”

“I’ve missed you too, Macy,” I giggled, swaying with her. She pulled away from me, glancing at the brunet still holding my hand.

“Jonathan,” she said.

“Nice to see you too, Macy.” He smiled gently, his thumb grazing my knuckles.

“Come on, we have so much to catch up on!” Macy grasped my other hand as she walked toward Anthony, her boyfriend.

“Just a second,” I said, slipping out of her hold.

“Fine. I’ll grab you a soda.” She threw another glance at Jonathan before she turned her back. I faced him, interlocking both of our hands.

“Will you be okay without me for a bit?” I asked, a teasing smile playing on my lips.

He pecked my temple. “Of course, don’t have too much fun without me.”


The door shut behind us as Jonathan flipped on his apartment lights. The cozy couch

called me and I flung myself on it after removing my shoes, something Jonathan insisted on.

“Want anything from the kitchen?” he asked. I shook my head, eyes following his

movements as he padded toward the fridge. His hair bounced with each step, missing the top of the doorway by a few inches. I furrowed my brow at the little device mounted on the wall.

“Since when do you have security cameras?” I asked, looking at the one above the entrance to the kitchen. Its white body would’ve blended into the wall if it weren’t for its large black eye.

“Since you moved in. I wanted to have extra security in case something would happen.” He shrugged his shoulders, walking into the living room. “It is New York, after all, and I’d hate for anything to happen to you if I wasn’t here. This way I’ll get notified when someone comes in.”

“Okay. That’s sweet and all, but it’s a little weird, don’t you think? This thing is gonna watch our every move.” I pulled my legs up underneath me as he sat down.

“You’ll get used to it. Besides, it's facing the door.” He intertwined our fingers. “I just want you to be safe.” Gazing up at me through his lashes, he brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. My breath caught in my throat, those eyes were the first things I fell in love with. “You know, your eyes remind me of Christmas trees.” He pushed a stray hair behind my ear, his fingertips brushing my cheek. “Not just the color, but the lights, too.”

I glanced away from his intense gaze, my cheeks burning as I pulled my arms into myself. “How do you always know what to say?”

He chuckled. “I don’t. I just know I can say what I’m thinking when I’m around you.” Wrapping an arm around my waist, he asked, “Wanna watch a movie?” I nodded as he reached for the remote.

The dull drone of the movie lulled me until unconsciousness beckoned. I snuggled further into Jonathan, his body heat blanketing me.


“Morning, love,” I said over my shoulder as I pulled banana muffins out of the

oven—Jonathan’s favorite. It was a small “thank you” for carrying me to bed last night after I fell asleep on the couch.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pecked my temple. “You spoil me.”

“You’re worth it.” I kissed him on the cheek before pulling the muffins from the pan and putting them on the cooling rack. Jonathan snatched one off of it and peeled the paper away. “Be careful, they’re hot!” He spun around to the other side of the island, smirking at me as he bit into it. I could tell he tried to keep his mouth closed, but after a bite, he raised his head toward the ceiling and breathed out through his mouth like a dragon attempting to breathe fire.

I couldn’t help my giggling as he swallowed it as fast as he could. “I told you!”

“That was so good!” He grinned after downing the assaulting piece. I shook my head and finished putting the muffins on the rack.

“You know,” he started, coming around to my side of the island, “you should just quit your job and bake for me.”

I rolled my eyes as I put the pan in the sink. “You know, just because you keep saying that doesn’t mean it will come true.”

“Come on, I’m your best customer after all,” he said, pulling me into him.

“I can think of one person who’d argue that,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

Now he rolled his eyes. “Kyle has nothing on me.”

“Really? ‘Cause he came in two days ago and bought four dozen cupcakes for the office.”

“You know, I don’t like that tone, Miss. Warren.” He touched his forehead to mine.

“And what are you gonna do about it, Dr. Simmons?” His eyes darkened and my breath

caught in my throat. I knew what was coming.

His fingers poked and prodded my sides as I screamed out a laugh and tried to get away.

“No! Stop!” I couldn’t breathe. He trapped me against the island and continued his assault until I pulled him down into me and held him tight. The breathy laugh he let out signaled his ceasefire and we stood there, holding each other.

“I wish you could stay home with me,” I said, finally calm.

“You know I can’t do that,” he sighed.

I cupped his cheek with my hand as we swayed. “I know, I know.” He leaned into it and I

thought how lucky I was to have him in my life. “Your patients are lucky to have you.”

He hummed. “I’m lucky to have you.”


At Le Bernardin, he ordered me a salad, no dressing, and water, and he chose the filet mignon, brown sugar carrots, a baked potato, and a bottle of Merlot to share. He cradled my hand across the table, rubbing my knuckles. Moments like these reminded me of how much I loved him.

“To us.” He lifted his glass with his other hand. I picked mine up, tapping it against his before letting the too-sweet liquid touch my lips. Merlot was never my favorite. Glancing down to my half-empty plate, he raised an eyebrow. “Are you feeling alright? You haven’t finished your food.”

I nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, I’m full.” He squeezed my hand gently, smiling. Pulling away, he rid himself of the cloth white napkin in his lap, folding it twice before placing it on his finished plate.

“I have a confession to make.” He cleared his throat and I locked eyes with him, having never heard him use the word ‘confession.’ “I didn’t want to come out just to get a bite to eat.”

He slid from his chair, the plush maroon cushion inflating as he kneeled beside me. The candle’s flame flickering in his chestnut eyes. Engulfing both of my hands in his, he spoke, “This past year with you has been the best of my life. You’ve seen me at my worst and still love me for it. I love you, forever and always. And I’ll do anything to keep you by my side until the day I die.”

Guest’s heads turned to us, excitedly whispering. Jonathan pulled the velvet box from his blazer, opening it. The single diamond was truly beautiful, its twisted band gleaming in the light, enhancing the metal. I always preferred silver, but he said gold suited me best.

“Will you marry me?”

The words caught in my throat. I sat there gaping like a fish as his eyes quickly grew stormy. So I dropped to my knees in front of him and pulled his lips to mine. I ignored the Merlot gracing him as his touch breathed new life into me, and when we parted I whispered, “Yes.”

His beaming smile never reached his eyes as he slid the ring onto my finger. Pulling me into him, he squeezed me to his chest, digging his nails into my sides. “Forever mine.” The words escaped from him, brushing my ear. The applause surrounding us hummed into the background as his grip constricted me in the best possible way. The thought of spending my life with him nearly brought me to tears.


I sighed and massaged my temples as Macy got a lap-dance from one of the strippers.

“Come on! This is your bachelorette party! At least look like you’re having fun!” she giggled and slipped a dollar in the waistband of the “firefighter” as Kyle pulled him away. My eyes trailed after them, glancing to Lauren and Jenna as their dancers finished their performance.

“You know Jonathan asked you to leave out the strippers,” I said, crossing my arms.

“Yep, and that’s exactly why I booked three of them,” she grinned. I couldn’t help but laugh as her swaying to the music intensified, her cocktail nearly sloshing over the sides.

“Why do you push his buttons so much?” I asked.

She shrugged and stumbled over to me. “Because he’s not good for you.”

I looked down at my feet. I knew she wasn’t a fan of his, but I thought she understood the way I felt.

“He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Macy.” She had to see it every time we were around one another. The air was palpable with it.

She shook her head and continued her movements. “You only think he’s the best because he wants you to think that way. It’s what people like him do.”

Now it was my turn to shake my head. “What the hell are you talking about? You do realize you’re talking about my fiancé, right?”

After setting her drink down, her hands gripped my shoulders. “Listen, don’t you think it’s weird how he always has to touch you whenever you’re around other people?”

“He’s affectionate. I happen to think it’s sweet,” I said.

She raised an eyebrow. “Okay, and what about when he answers questions for you?”

I rolled my eyes. “It shows he knows me and pays attention to what I say. Isn’t that a good thing?” I clenched my jaw and her narrowing eyes caught it.

“You know I’m right. You know it’s not normal and that’s why I’m getting to you.”

“Of course you’re getting to me! You’re accusing Jonathan of—of what? Being a good partner?” I stormed toward Kyle at the bar, glancing at my other friends flirting with the bartender.

“Exactly, Leah! I didn’t have to accuse him of anything because a part of you already knows what he’s doing! You’re just too infatuated with him to see it!” She shouted from where she stood, making heads turn toward her.

Kyle raised an eyebrow at me. “What’s Macy talking about?”

“She thinks Jonathan and I shouldn’t get married,” I huffed. “I mean, it’s ridiculous, right? He’s a good guy and we love each other. She just can’t see it.” There was a cough to my left and I turned to see Jenna patting Lauren’s back.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…” Lauren peered into her glass, refusing to face me.

“It’s just what?” I gave her my full attention and crossed my arms.

“It’s just something’s off about him, don’t you think?”

I can’t believe this. Were they really telling me this now? At my bachelorette party?

“Jenna? Come on, you like Jonathan, right?” I shifted my gaze to her, but she avoided it, playing with her pendant necklace. My heart sank, Jenna got along with everyone.

“Kyle?” I turned to him, pleading for him to say something, anything.

“Well, I mean, we haven’t been able to hang out much since you two started dating…” He took a long sip of his drink and didn’t continue once he finished.

“But you set us up!” I cried.

He flinched at my breaking voice. “Yeah, I did.” He said it with so much regret my chest actually throbbed. Jonathan wasn’t a bad guy. I wouldn’t be with him if he was, he just comes on a bit strong sometimes. Like when he says he wants me to sell my bakery. He’s just joking, but it stopped being funny after the second time…

No, he wants the best for me and the best for me is him. But…if everyone thinks he’s not right for me. Maybe they’re right? Sometimes his temper gets the best of him on the road, and if the restaurant’s slow he gets upset, but everyone gets that way sometimes. Bad days are a given, and some people have more than others.


“I’m not selling my bakery.” I crossed my arms, shifting my weight to my left foot.

“Baby, I hardly see you anymore,” he said, running his hands up and down my arms.

I scoffed. “I come home every night before it’s dark—like you asked me to—and don’t work on weekends anymore. I always make time for you.”

His grip tightened. “So what are you saying? That I’m not making an effort?”

I frantically shook my head. “No! No—” I let out a deep sigh, “It’s just that,” I avoided his eyes as I continued, “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who ever compromises in this relationship.”

We stood in silence for a few moments before I glanced up at him. His glare pierced me and I slowly pulled his hands from my arms to hold them. “Sweetie?”

“I only want to take care of you, Leah. You work too hard. And think about the hassle it would save you. We could stay in bed till sunrise and you can bake those muffins for me whenever you want.” His words dripped honey, but Macy’s voice resonated through my mind. A pit formed in my gut, tugging at my very being, away from Jonathan. Every morning I made him muffins flashed in front of me, and it was all the same. Him coming into the kitchen and telling me how I didn’t have to do this, I didn’t have to bake for him, but I knew I did because I owed him. I owed him.

Everything Macy had warned me about finally made sense.

Whenever he would order for me or hold my hand, it wasn’t to be affectionate, it was manipulation.

The rope-like band on my finger glimmered and a shiver ran down my spine, and I knew I needed out.

“Jonathan, I think we need to take a break. Just so I can get my thoughts together,” I whispered.

“Baby? What are you talking about?” he asked, squeezing my hands. My heartbeat picked up.

“I-I just need a minute. We’ve only been together for two years and we’re already getting married.” I wasn’t even convinced by my tone. He definitely knew I was lying.

“What does that even mean? ‘You need a minute?’” His voice got louder with each word.

“I-I just—”

“I gave you everything! A home, money, I made a promise to love you forever and this is how you repay me? By leaving me? Unbelievable.” He ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up in the back.

“I’m not leaving you! I just need room to breathe!” I said. He was spiraling. “Jonathan. Jonathan, I love you. I—”

“Bullshit! You wouldn’t be pulling this shit if you loved me,” he said, pointing a finger at me.

“Listen to me!” I shouted.

The stinging emanated from my cheek through my body as the momentum knocked me to the floor. I caught myself before my face smacked into the ground and white-hot realization flashed through me. He slapped me.

“Shit, baby. I’m so sorry,” he said, kneeling in front of me and reaching out to cup my other cheek. I clenched my eyes, flinching. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m so sorry.” He kissed my temple, wrapping his arms around my trembling shoulders. “Please, forgive me, baby. It’ll never happen again, I promise.”

His sniffling made me open my eyes and finally look at him. Tears gathered in the corners of those deep browns and begged me to say everything was okay. The fear of what would happen if I didn’t was what caused my hands to shake as I shifted to pull him into me and stroke his hair.

Staring at the wall behind him, the slap ran through my head. My teeth rattled at the impact and a headache crept to the spot where he kissed, and that’s when I started to cry. Macy was right. It was only a matter of time before things got worse, but I never thought worse would mean this. I needed to get out. And I needed him to think I would stay.

“I forgive you. I’ll always forgive you.”


Jonathan and I curled up in bed after a half-hour of holding each other on the floor. Once he had been asleep for forty minutes, I slipped out and grabbed my phone from the nightstand, tiptoeing to the hallway bathroom. If Jonathan woke up, he’d assume I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to disturb him by using the en suite.

After locking the door and turning on the fan, I tapped on Macy’s number, praying she was up watching her shitty sitcoms.

“Do you know what the hell time it is?” she asked.

“You were right.” The words spilled over and didn’t stop. “He-He hit me and I don’t know what to do and I—” I slapped a hand over my mouth as a sob racked my body. I couldn’t wake him up.

“I’m calling the police. You need to get out of there.”

“But he said he was sorry,” I said, trying to convince myself as much as her.

“He knew exactly what he was doing,” she said firmly. I sniffed and rubbed my eyes until the blurriness was gone. “Can you get over here without him knowing?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s okay,” she cooed. “It’s gonna be alright. I’m gonna call the cops. They have to do a follow up check no matter what, that’s when you get out, okay? Think you can do that, hun?” I croaked out a “yes.”

“Okay. I’m gonna hang up now and call them. I’ll call you right after, okay?” I couldn’t understand how she was being so kind to me after I had yelled at her. After I had told her to leave my bachelorette party.

“I don’t want to be alone.” There was a tug at the back of my mind like I was forgetting something. That’s when I remembered the night Jonathan and I came home from Kyle’s party a year ago, that big black eye always staring at me. “We have security cameras in the apartment,” I whispered.

“What did you just say?” she asked in disbelief.

“Cameras. He installed them a week after I moved in. I-I can’t believe I was so stupid.” This whole time I believed him. That they were to catch intruders.

“That fucking bastard was spying on you,” she breathed. “Okay, I’m hanging up now. I’ll call you right back.” The line disconnected and all I could do was stay in that position, phone pressed to my ear and legs tensed as my toes connected my body with the floor.

I pushed the button as Macy’s name popped up on the screen.

“They said someone would be there in ten minutes. I told them about the cameras and everything.”

I didn’t say a word, only listened to her breathing as the ten minutes ticked by like hours. Every creak of the apartment and every gust of wind made me jump. I wondered whether the police would get here before Jonathan woke up.

“Two minutes,” Macy said. I needed to be the one to open that door.

“I’m going out there.” With the phone still against my good cheek, I unlocked the door, leaving the fan and light on to mask the noise of the front door opening.

As soon as I closed the bathroom door, a rap on the front one echoed throughout the space. I jogged to the sound and ripped it open. The officer standing outside greeted me with a soft smile. My arms went limp as he said, “We got a call.”


The rickety carts had become a dull hum as I meandered around the corner into the beverage aisle. Early morning grocery shopping was the mundanity I had sought out since I got away from Jonathan. Four months ago to the day and Macy and Kyle insisted on celebrating with movie nights as they did the past three times and every week in between. I knew it was their way to check up on me and at the beginning I hated it. After I moved the small amount I had into her place, I locked myself in my room, a panic overtaking me. I was sure he’d come for me, get some sort of revenge for me leaving and issuing him a restraining order. At the time, hiding across the country seemed like the best option, but they swooped in and stopped me from actually going through with it. They supported me through all of my breakdowns and anxieties. We spoke constantly, every day one of them would ask me how I felt and at first I didn’t want to relive any of it, but therapy was helping. My therapist and I worked through different ways to help me move on besides throwing myself into the bakery. I told her I didn’t realize how much he controlled my life.

Macy and I had gone out for a girls' night with Lauren and Jenna, and it was like the entire menu went blurry. My brain shut down and I hadn’t known my hands were shaking until Macy placed hers over them.

“Just take a deep breath with me,” she had said, breathing through her nose and out her mouth. I repeated the action as best as I could, the next few coming easier as we synched. She had grown used to the signs of my panic attacks, knowing I needed to be grounded in something I didn’t see as Jonathan. That’s what my therapist said at least, and after the first time it happened and worked, I believed her. It took a few visits after that for me to fully trust her, and within the last month, I truly felt I was getting better.

Rolling passed the sodas—not bothering to look at the Dr. Pepper—I stopped at the Snapple and grabbed two different six-count cases. My lips turned up slightly at the memory of Kyle telling me I needed a little boring in my life when I told him tea wasn’t fun.

I was about to turn into the next aisle when a voice called my name. Freezing, my knuckles whitened and my stomach sank to the tiled floor. The smile in his voice was audible and it sent butterflies swarming inside me because he was smiling at me, after everything that’s happened, he—

Shaking my head, the butterflies morphed to waves and I ground my teeth to settle the nausea. After everything, he had the nerve to walk right up to me as if we were old friends as if he didn't ruin my life. Four months and nothing, not a text, call, email, or unexpected visit, I had finally relaxed into a sense of normalcy, and here he stood. I wouldn’t put it past him if he followed me.

“Hello, Jonathan.” I was still stopped at the end-cap facing the registers. Three lines were open with shoppers occupying all of them. He wouldn’t try something here, would he?

“How’ve you been?” he asked, leaning in to hug me. My entire body stiffened as I inhaled sharply. God, he smelled good. And his arms felt bigger, maybe he upped his lifting. And the stubble that grazed my cheek as he pulled away felt like a kiss, and I wondered if his lips still tasted the same. If they still tasted like home.

Clearing my throat, I stepped back as far as I could without bolting. I had to get out of here, I couldn’t trust myself. “I’m running late. I have to go.”

“But we haven’t seen each other in so long. Just stay a few minutes,” he pleaded, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

“I have to go,” I whispered, not looking at him.

Quickly scanning the lines, I almost plowed into an old lady strolling by as I threw myself into the shortest one and put the cases on the belt as calmly as I could before pulling out my phone and opening my group chat with Macy and Kyle.

Me - Jonathan’s in the store

Macy - Get out


Kyle - Leave your shit and go!

Macy - Call the police! The restraining order, remember?!

The squeaking of someone’s cart stopped behind me, I didn’t have to look to know it was him. His eyes pierced the back of my neck and I suddenly felt like I could suffocate on his cologne. I could call the station right now and be rid of him, but why did that thought make me want to throw up more? And why was he here? He knew about the restraining order, he should’ve left as soon as he saw me, but instead he greeted me, smiled at me, hugged me. And instead of dialing 911, I texted Macy and Kyle.

Me - He’s behind me.

Macy - Fuck. Just go! Leave everything and go!

Kyle - Just get out of there!

I absentmindedly handed the cashier money, not waiting for my change as I rushed out of there, my cart making a sound between a scream and a hyena laughing.

“Tell Macy and Kyle I said ‘hi!’” he shouted.

My hands shook as I tried to unlock my car, I could barely breathe. Yanking the door open, I threw the cases in the backseat, not thinking that the glass bottles could’ve broken. The click of the lock settled my thoughts slightly, at least now he couldn’t touch me. That was a good thing, right?

Resting my head on the steering wheel and doing the breathing exercises my therapist taught me, I grounded myself. I was okay. I was healthy. I was free. I was safe.

Those last two made tears stream down my cheeks. I didn’t register the chimes coming from my phone as I sat there terrified. My body trembled, I knew I wasn’t safe, and I sure as hell wasn’t free. I had wanted him back. I wanted to stay in his arms and have him smile at me. I wanted him to tell me he missed me and still loved me, and if he would’ve I knew I’d have taken him back. The tears came harder and all I wanted to do was rip him from my life before I did something stupid.

The chimes pulled me out of my head. Macy and Kyle were going ballistic, so I sent a quick text before turning the ignition on. Wiping my eyes and taking a deep breath, I pulled out of the parking lot. The last thing I needed was for him to walk out and see me crying. Maybe when I got to Macy’s I’d call the police, tell them Jonathan violated the order and I hadn’t called right away because I was terrified of what he would do and because I wanted to stand there a bit longer. I wouldn’t say that last part. Maybe I wouldn’t say anything.

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